Please Pass the Vodka

2 Jul

At least that’s how I feel right now. No worries though…I’m not headed down the Alcohol Anonymous path yet. I’ve got to admit thought that Ihave been on an emotional roller coaster as of late…and for the first time I am consciously trying not to resort to eating a snack!

I got my CPAP machine…can’t wait to see how that works tonight. I keep researching and reading the support forums on RNY to calm my nerves…but honestly I am still scared. There are so many success stories yes…but the issues they had to fight through to reach that success is what scares me. But then I try to reason with myself. Here’s how that conversation went:

Me: “Self…I really need you to get a grip right now

Self: Listen me. You’re trying to change ME. Your trying to cut things up on my insides just so YOU can feel better.

Me: But self don’t you see how this benefits us both healthwise mentally and physically?

Self: Go ahead Me…have a piece of cake…and while your at it drink some soda…lay down and sleep your day away….

Do you see how unsuccessful that was? Maybe conversing with myself isn’t the best way….perhaps I will try another. Time to call the shrink. Time to lay down on the chaise lounge and admit that losing this weight by having this surgery is depressing the crap out of me. I should be happy right? I should feel like this is going to change my life. I just can’t seem to pep myself up. I am focusing on the negative even though I am trying really hard not to.

Maybe they can tell me  how to fix the crazy in me. Maybe they can’t. Who knows…it’s just a gamble that I will have to take…cause whether I like it or not…I’m having this surgery. Maybe after getting a normal nights rest I will start to feel better about things. We shall see.

In the mean time…I think I will take myself up on that offer and go have a drink…because soon…that won’t be happening either without me passing out from a half a glass of the good stuff!


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